


A Hand to Your Darkness

by cakeisatruth



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Bonding, Developing Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Homesickness, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-25 12:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13834059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cakeisatruth/pseuds/cakeisatruth
Summary: Ryder shares a little of her life before the Initiative with Peebee.





	A Hand to Your Darkness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [keita52](https://archiveofourown.org/users/keita52/gifts).



> The title is from The Velvet Underground's "I'll Be Your Mirror."

You could play the piano by the beat of those raindrops, Peebee thinks when she comes into the Pathfinder quarters. She glances at the windows instinctively, but they’re offworld, and it doesn’t rain in space. It’s gotta be coming from the datapad in Ryder’s hand; she’s sprawled on the bed studying it, but looks up as the door opens.

“Hey, Lessie.”

“Heya.”

She stretches out an arm. “C’mere, you.”

Peebee leaps onto the mattress, sitting up to peer at the datapad screen. “Did you record that?”

“Nah. Downloaded it before we left.” She angles the screen so Peebee can see. It’s a track called _White Noise - Rain_ , taking up space in a playlist of at least a dozen others. Some are of skycars, or people talking, and there’s at least one labeled as _Dig Site_. “They get me to sleep, but I can put on headphones if you want.”

Peebee shakes her head. “It’s nice. Feels like old stuff.” Much as she’s still chasing the new, being around Ryder has taught her to appreciate a little nostalgia as well. “Can we get the rain smell with it?”

“I wish. Didn’t have room to load any smells.” Ryder taps the memory stick. She mentioned once before that it’s the only one she brought to Andromeda. “I used most of it on other stuff.”

“More recordings?”

She scrunches up her face. “Uh, some videos, a game or two. Mostly pictures.” Closing the white noise playlist, Ryder taps through her files with one finger. “Actually - wanna see something?”

“Sure.” Peebee sits up when Ryder gestures her closer. “You mean your pictures?”

“Yeah. I’d love to show you - I mean, if you wouldn’t find it totally boring.” She gives a self-deprecating smile, but Peebee shakes her head.

“Show me.”

Ryder opens a photo album titled _Milky Way_ and taps the last photo. Two faces pop out to meet them. The Pathfinder’s own is in front, a nervous grin on her lips, her elbows bent in a double fistpump; Scott stands behind her, laughing and giving her bunny ears.

“There it is.” Ryder smiles almost wistfully. “Last picture from home.”

Peebee nods, recognizing the _Hyperion_ cryo bay in the background. “I’ve got one like that, too. But from the _Nexus_.”

Then the call-and-response echoes in her head ( _Okay, you two, smile! - You heard him, babe, smile._ ) and she shuts her eyes quick, trying to block it. “Uhm. You know when he’s coming on board yet?”

Ryder shakes her head, one finger tracing along the side of the picture. “Probably not for a while. I mean, he’s only been out of the coma a few weeks, and Harry’s real strict, so…”

She trails off. Peebee chews on her tongue, wondering if she’s made it worse. Still, at least Ryder’s _talking_. Before last month, she wouldn’t say a word about her brother, except “no change yet.” His survival wasn’t certain until he came to.

Well, she’ll take a chance. She nips Ryder’s jaw gently. “What’s he like? Wanna get ready to welcome a future crewmate.” Cora and Liam have mentioned him here and there, but not in too much detail, and the rest never met him.

At the words _future crewmate_ , Ryder brightens. “Oh, man, where do I start?” She runs her fingers through her hair with a huge smile. “He’s a dork. Really funny, though. He’s always got people laughing about something or other.”

“I like funny. Keeps things interesting.” Peebee wriggles into a more comfortable position. “Do I get to meet him before he gets assigned here?”

“You could come to cryo with me sometime. I’ll introduce you.” Ryder nods enthusiastically. An impish look flits over her face. “Just be prepared for a shovel talk. You know - ‘don’t you dare ever hurt my sister,’ that kind of stuff.”

That’s part of having strings attached, Peebee reminds herself, and shoves down the anxiety reflexively bubbling up. “Bet he’ll cool it if I offer to make him a VI, too. You wouldn’t mind, right?” she adds quickly.

“’Course not.” Reaching over to give Peebee’s arm a squeeze, Ryder turns her attention back to the photos. “Ooh, here. You’ll like this one.”

It’s a group selfie, half a dozen women in gray flight suits grinning up at the camera. Ryder’s hands are clasped in front of her chest, right between a _SYSTEMS ALLIANCE_ patch and another embroidered with her name.

Peebee perks up. “Is that Illium?”

“Yeah! The zero-grav chamber was part of our training.” She indicates the others in the picture. “They were part of my squad from basic. We all went in together.”

“No way! You’ve been there? I used to go every time I was on the world. It was great.”

“It really was.” She scrolls through a few more pictures, fast enough that Peebee only catches glimpses of each: the twins in caps and gowns, Scott crammed into an air vent with a displeased look on his face, a kid she doesn’t recognize leaning against a subway wall.

When Ryder stops, it’s on a video, opening with a closeup of someone’s hands holding a picture book. She stares at it for a moment in silence, setting her jaw.

Before she thinks to stop herself, Peebee reaches over to tap the “play” button.

_The picture sweeps up to a woman sitting in a chair, her expression a watery smile._

_“You’ve got it?” she asks, sitting up straighter._

_Just offscreen, Ryder speaks. “Yeah, go ahead.”_

The Pathfinder shakes her head, stopping the video with another tap. “Not that one,” she manages, voice a little tight. “I’ll - you can see it some other time. Not tonight.”

Peebee looks from the still image to her girlfriend and back. There - it’s in the cheekbones, and the eyes. She's been curious since Ryder spilled the news to her a few days ago, still reeling. For some reason, it feels weird to have that question answered.

“That’s her?”

“Yeah. Reading my favorite book from when I was little.” Ryder blows a breath out between pursed lips, her head thumping back against the wall. “After we found out she was sick, I - you know. I wanted something to remember. I’ll show you another night.”

Peebee ruffles her hair gently. “You don’t have to. Really. It’s okay.”

Without a word, Ryder keeps looking at her, the corners of her mouth tugging downward.

“What?”

“I just realized I’m never going to get to meet your family.” She looks back at the datapad screen. “That’s all.”

“I can tell you about them sometime.” It’s not a sentence Peebee planned to have come out of her mouth - actually, she kind of instantly wishes she could take it back - but it makes Ryder smile, which is probably where it came from. “Another day. Tonight’s about _your_ family. Tell me about your mom?”

“She’s a genius.” Ryder composes herself a little, running her fingers through her hair. “You’ll like her. She’ll be able to keep up with all that stuff on the remtech, even better than I can. And she’ll love Poc.”

It’s more than can be said for most of the people on board, Peebee thinks but doesn’t say. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” The next photo she opens is of all four Ryders sitting together in front of some photo store’s background. “She’s an amazing woman.”

Peebee consciously lets that hang in the air between them for a few seconds. Then she uses two fingers to zoom in on Ryder’s dad, just a little.

“And what about him?” she asks, watching Ryder’s face to see if she needs to backtrack quickly.

For a moment, she thinks maybe she should. Ryder’s chest heaves and her shoulders pull back; she opens her mouth but shuts it again.

“He loved me,” she says finally, blinking rapidly. “I know he loved me.”

Peebee nods, waiting for her to go on, but Ryder shakes her head. She throws one arm over her eyes, reaching out for Peebee’s hand with the other. “Damn it,” she mutters - and no no _no_ , her voice is all bubbly and wet, like she’s about to start crying - “now I’m all homesick.”

Intertwining their fingers, Peebee squeezes her hand. “I’m here,” she says, talking too fast to try and fix it. “And Scott’s here. And your mom’s gonna be here. And there’s the crew. And everything.”

“Uh-huh.” But she doesn’t sound like it’s actually reassuring.

Peebee changes tacks. “Think about the stuff you _don’t_ miss. It helps me.”

Ryder looks at her, eyes red but dry, a very tiny smile on her lips. “Lessie, Lessie...”

“What?” Peebee pokes her.

Ryder shakes her head. “You first. What don’t you miss about home?”

“Getting dragged to black tie parties,” Peebee answers instantly. “And the awful clothes I had to wear to them. It was all way too miserable and stiff.”

“I bet.” Ryder nods.

Returning her smile, Peebee nudges her. “Now you.”

Ryder squints at the ceiling. “Uh, I used to live below this family who - their kid had a trampoline, right above my living room. Heard him jumping on that thing all the time when I was trying to relax.”

Which, yeah, definitely beats Peebee’s story about the neighbors whose dog spent at least an hour every day yapping nonstop. “Another thing,” she says. “How much _longer_ it used to take to do everything. Nice part about it not being so crowded here yet.”

“Having people look at me like I was going to kill them when they found out I’m biotic.”

“Being stuck on one planet for so long at a time. We never got to fly around this freely back home.”

Ryder reaches out to pull her closer, until they’re cuddled up tight. “Last thing for right now.” Her voice has gone quiet, thoughtful. “Not having someone special, to share all this with.”

Giving her hand another squeeze, Peebee rests her head on Ryder’s chest. Her heartbeat is steady, like a metronome, and the white noise washes over them in waves.


End file.
